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The only French you've spoken in your life was when you were 8 years old singing Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi. You still say Ooh là là when you're impressed, but haven't learned that most French people say it when they're annoyed. And you didn't know that hors-d'œuvres was a French word (or spelled like that). Your name might as well be Emily, cuz every time you go to Paris, your French is as basic as that beret you bought in the metro for €5.
I'm an American YouTuber who has made a living off of documenting my whimsical adventures around the world, specifically in Paris. I've learned five languages, and I'm ready to help you out with French.